The Tale of the Boring Socks

Happy Cinco de Mayo! If you are reading this right after I publish it, I am the least bored I am all year, pooped from a day of the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, also known as the Knitter[/Spinner/Weaver/Crocheter/Sheep-Enthusiast]’s Epic Christmas. There is no way I am processed enough to tell you about it yet, so I have pre-loaded this post for you to go on being entertained by knitting I do not find entertaining.

Today’s project was designed to be absolutely the most boring thing that could be knit.* My goal is to have something this boring on the go all the time, so that if a friend asks me suddenly “wanna go to a movie tonight?” I will always have appropriate knitting ready to take with me, without having to worry about winding yarn, or doing the ribbing, or anything. This project makes that dream possible by containing nothing but the knit stitch.

It will eventually be socks, but before it is socks, it will be boring for a very, very long time. Here’s the plan: Cast on 64 stitches, the standard sock circumference for my feet. Knit in the round for ever. Like, literally until the yarn runs out. I will use every last inch of this fun sock yarn Jonica gave me in antique-y Christmas colors before I stop.

After that, I will have an incredibly long tube that does not look like a sock, let alone a pair. But that’s when things will stop being boring and start being clever. The cleverness involves a pair of scissors and a fair quantity of white sock yarn.

There’s only one problem: I haven’t been to the movie theatre since the Muppets came out. So this has been languishing for quite a while. Will it ever be finished? Will I ever get to try the scissors-related cleverness? For now, I wait in suspense. And I knit more interesting things.

*Jared disagrees with me, suggesting I knit a king-size garter stitch blanket if I want the boringest project ever knit. Perhaps for movies I go see in the winter.

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