I just survived two fillings without novocaine. I am immensely proud of myself, though it didn’t hurt any more than having someone standing on my toe for a few seconds.
While lying there, feeling blood draining to my head, staring at two masked faces poking about in my mouth with a plethora of mysterious tools that made horrible grindy noises, it occurred to me that this must be what it feels like to be a sweater undergoing surgery.
Have you ever had to do surgery on a garment? You know, because you made it too small and had to add a panel, or too big and had to serge a part off? The other day, I had occasion to install a missing buttonhole, and now I can at least take a guess at what that procedure must have been like from the sweater’s perspective.
“Why am I all laid out flat like this? On a counter? Not very comfortable; I’d rather be on someone’s shoulders or folded in a drawer.”
“Who’s that?! She didn’t knit me! Well, I suppose she probably knows what she’s doing. I do need a buttonhole; I would hate to be unused because I can’t be closed at the bottom. But wait… oh no…. I think that was the glint of metal.”
“I was right! SCISSORS. Oh no oh no oh no. I hate that snippy sound… OH GOD SHE’S COMING AT ME! Does she even have a plan? Holy crap! What is she doing? HELP!”
“Oh God. Okay. All right. That wasn’t so bad. Ow, now what? She’s pulling out the ends! OW! That’s a whole stitch hanging out in the open! Aah… I don’t like the feel of air on that free loop… At least she’s going slowly…”
“More metal? Oh no! Oh, it’s just a tapestry needle. What is she doing… splicing? Eee! That tickles! Oh, she’s picked up the free loop. I feel so much more secure now. That was scary. Phew. Ooh, new ends to weave in, that feels nice.”
“Now what is all that yanking for! Are those pins really necessary? Wait, what? I thought we were done with the scizzors!! But… oh, of course, she has to trim the ends. Does that mean we’re done yet?”
“Okay. We’re just testing the stretch. Yes ma’am, that button fits nicely there, now. If it starts fraying later, should I come back? Yes, I have the on-call number. Why thank you, I was very brave wasn’t I? Ooh, I would love a sticker.”