Survival

I should answer a few questions, that you haven’t asked, about our move:

A. Why are we moving? It’s entirely a financial decision. Basically, we know we’re going to move in August out of the area, but our (insert adjectival expletive of choice here) apartment complex won’t give us a shorter lease. So we’d have to break our lease, paying an extra month’s rent to do what we already told them we have to do. So we found a place that’s cheaper and month-to-month, saving us a good bit of money that we can use in grad school to, you know. Eat.

B. Wait… so you’re moving in April, then AGAIN in August? Yes. Did you really have to go bring that up?

C. What’s your new place like? It’s a finished basement in a single family home, owned by a nice couple, the husband of whom works at APL, where Jared works. It’s a nicely finished, well-lit, two-bedroom apartment, probably with just as much if not more floorspace than we have now, for less money. Goodness , what I wouldn’t do to go back two years and have lived THERE this whole time.

D. If it’s just as much space, why are you ditching so much stuff? Out of a deluded, neurotic notion that, if I get rid of enough stuff, moving it all will somehow suck less. Unfortunately, even if it does suck less, it will still suck, so I will probably not notice the difference.

Now that that’s sorted out, I give you another list: thirteen things to help you survive a move (or, what is in fact much worse – the anticipation of a move) if you are a slightly neurotic person who hates moving.

1. Spend about an hour a day in the car listening to sappy Christian songs, singing along and sniffling. Note: Do not speed. It’s rather silly to get pulled over because you were so into a praise song, and it’s not the best witness to the cop if you still have the dial on 95.1 Shine FM when he asks for your license and registration. This goes double if you have one of those fish stickers on your car. I don’t, but the “Howard County: Choose Civility” and “Autism Speaks” magnets are almost as bad.

2. Take care of your brain – read uplifting books, read the Bible, journal, etc. Read the Bible… erm… religiously.

3. Drink. Except it’s lent, and you’ve given up alcohol for lent. Drink… coffee. While reading the Bible to remind yourself why you don’t deal with your problems by drinking.

4. Also – drink water. Dehydration headaches from forgetfulness do not help productivity.

5. Gluttony? Also not a great idea during lent. A balanced diet with sufficient calories and nutrients. Find creative ways to turn a refrigerator freakishly full of vegetables into comfort food. Hints: food processor. butter. heavy cream.

6. When that doesn’t work out, go out for ice cream.

7. Knit one thing. One very boring thing. Don’t even think about starting anything else. You have too many other problems to get yourself in a Knitting Scrape.

8. PLAN your move. preferably with a partner in crime who has the patience to sit through, and the good sense to laugh at, most of your neuroses.

9. Procrastination is your friend. Work expands to fill the time allotted to it, so if you allot in between now and mid-April to work on moving, it will take all your attention for that whole time. Whereas if you put it off, moving will only take a week.

10. Come up with a list of things you can do when you can’t stand procrastinating any more. It will not be useful to compulsively pack a random closet a month before you move. It will be useful to sell that stuff on craigslist.

11. To-do lists are highly recommended, as there are few things more fulfilling than crossing things off. Preferably, make two to-do lists – one with ALL the tasks you have to keep track of long-term, and one with a prioritized list for today. This is partially so that you can not feel overwhelmed when you look at the list, but mostly so that when you get something done, you get to cross it off twice.

12. Pawn your possessions off on your friends until they’re afraid to come over.

13. Whine excessively. In public. On the internet.

14. STOP reading a blog you just found about another neurotic knitter with personal problems. Schadenfreude is not useful to you right now… or rather, it’s too useful.

Last night, practicing #6, #7, & #8. Jared says: Do not make me wait one more second to eat that ice cream.

3 thoughts on “Survival

  1. Stacie says:

    Since freshman year at Eastern, I have moved 8 times. In case you’re wondering (which you’re not, if you’re as distracted by the idea of moving as I always am when it’s approaching), that’s an average of once every nine months. For the last six years. And the worst part of it all is that I hate it MORE every single time! You forgot one coping mechanism that always works just as good as you think it will: start projects. Like dumb ones. Like: sort all your bills or sort scrapbooking (knitting?…) supplies. (I practice avoidance techniques to maximize your #9. Or that’s what I tell myself.)

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  2. rebbiejaye says:

    ooohhhh. you make me shudder very much. I think if that happened to me, I would be living out of like a backpack. (a backpack and several roughie-tubs of yarn.) yes if i can start dumb projects that I can tell myself are useful (like selling crap on craigs list) #9 will be profitable.

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  3. Jonica says:

    I wonder if number 9 will work if I have to move a 4 bedroom house into a 1 bedroom apt if my husband gets transferred? Then again, I do not mind moving my books with me. My husband’s on the other hand will be very heavy. Has anyone seen a computer techinans books? One volume that is the smallest has 1500 pages and is bound by hardback. That is the smallest one! Most of mine are paperback or knitting magazines or knitting books. You have Jared and I will be here while he is in North Carolina. He is getting the easy part of this deal if all goes the way he wants! Oh well, brownie points and I can use it as blackmail when he starts gripping about the yarn stash! 😉

    I do however plan to give away quite a bit.

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