41 Weeks

Also known as,

You Know You’ve Been Pregnant Too Long When…

10. You put together all your outfits around the one pair of shoes that you can still wedge your feet into. This is not so bad, since you only go out of the house to something requiring an “outfit” twice a week.

9. You have spent more time with the fetal monitor during NSTs than with any one of the individual nurse midwives at their practice.

8. Shaving your legs is an event complicated enough that it has to go in your day planner.

7. You fantasize about things like:

Sleeping on your stomach
Having a whole beer to yourself
Picking up heavy things

6. Your kitchen is cleaner than if you locked your mother AND your mother in law in it for a week.

5. You bought Murphey’s Oil Soap, but not a mop.

4. You have an argument with your husband about who has the cooler contraction timer smartphone app.

3. Pooping is one of the highlights of your day. Should it occur.

2. You seriously consider moving your office into the bathroom. A TV tray in front of the toilet should totally work as a desk.

1. You have three projects on the needles: one garter stitch, one stockinette in the round, and one in moss stitch for “hard knitting.” And you feel no lack, because you’re an ADD zombie space cadet.