Today is my third day without knitting, and I’d be lying through my teeth if I said it’s gone smoothly.
Sometimes “giving something up” for Lent doesn’t really do it for me, because in my laziness I will just find another comfort mechanism to abuse until the fast is over. This is why fasting from food is so powerful (and rather terrifying) for me – when I’m hungry, I’m hungry, and there’s no getting away from it. I try to cope in other ways, distracting myself, entertaining myself, staying busy, but eventually it just breaks me, and there’s no more running away from myself or from God.
Giving up knitting has, so far, been more like giving up food. During all the times I am used to knitting – in the car, on the couch, in bed, while reading – I am acutely aware of the empty space between my hands, and it puts me in a sort of continual wince. It makes me so aware of my addictive personality and my coping systems. While coping through knitting is really a very healthy and constructive thing, I think it will be worth it to be forced to stop and ask “what am I coping with, exactly?”
As I meditate on creation this week, I’ve been thinking about calling. My Creator God made me, and part of what it means to be made in the image of that Creator God is to be Creative. I love making things, and whatever else I am called to do, making is in there somewhere. Making knitwear goes without saying, but I want to expand my horizons, and make a beautiful and welcoming home, and through mentorship, ministry, and parenting, help God in the creative process of making whole and holy people.
Being creative is risky. Have you noticed that? Making something beautiful that other people will see is like putting yourself, your heart, your loves on display. You might notice this when people complement the beautiful things you’ve made. So many of you, I know, are mature and self confident enough to respond, “Thank you; it was hard, but worth it. I’m glad you agree.” I am happy on the days that I can say that. Other days we belittle ourselves: “Oh, it was nothing” or “Well, it’s just knitting.” But do you ever have days when you sort of wish people wouldn’t notice – or worse yet, don’t put on any handknits, so that you won’t be noticed?
It takes genuine security in who you are as a person to be able to dress nicely, maybe put on makeup, and go face the world as a worthwhile being. Some of us are naturally gifted with such confidence. But if you’re like me, and that doesn’t come naturally, maybe you can find that confidence in your status as the creative creation of the creator God. Because I know I need to, I’m going to commit to meditate on these things for the remainder of Lent.
- I was created by the All-Powerful Creator God who is King of the Universe.
- I was created a masterpiece. I’m a messed-up masterpiece thanks to the fall [more on that next week], but I’m no pile of sludge. I’m like the buried ruins of the Yucatan, or a Picaso stained and hidden in an attic – not in great shape, but my Creator wants to find me and fix me up and bring me to the glory He intended. (2 Corinthians 3:18).
- I was created not for my own glory, but to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. My glory can only be found in glorifying Him.
- I was created with a specific purpose, a good one. (Jeremiah 29:11).
- I was created to create, and when I create something good, true, or beautiful, this brings glory to God and wholeness to the world. (Philippians 4:8)
- God has always loved me, since before there was time. And it’s because He sent his Son to die for me, to pay for my sin and for the sin of the world, that I can be rescued from my own evil and the evil all around me to become, little by little, who I was created to be.